i hate tumblr.

008: Tumblr crushes

Are you kidding me with this shit?

You have a crush on someone cause they post trailers to the next episode of LOST and audio clips of “non-mainstream but accessible” musicians like Ryan Adams and Feist?

This is an anonymous way for you to pass along a hint!

If you’re too shy to tell someone YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW that you have an INTERNET CRUSH on them, you need to start re-evaluating your life, or at least you’re time spent online.

Projecting your feelings of a crush from the internet to an imaginary book about an imaginary character: a reason to hate Tumblcrush.

Trolling for one-on-one Tumblr meet-ups…anonymously: a reason to hate Tumblcrush (Dear God, it’s me, Peter W. Knox?)

Asking to find out who your internet crush is in the hopes of…cybersex? and shamelessly pronouncing your lack of fulfillment in the real world: Yes, definitely a reason to hate +followers of Tumblcrush.

Bordering on stalker territory, alluding to masturbatory fantasies: a reason to hate Tumblcrush crushers.

Not only alluding to, but pretty much presenting a description of recent masturbatory-enhanced fantasies: another reason to hate Tumblcrush.

From fatmanatee on Tumblcrush:

A moment of seriousness about tumblcrushes.

I don’t know how seriously people should be taking these crushes, but I’m just going to throw it out there anyway: guys, if you’re interested in a girl from one of the meetups, just put it out there. No games, no pretending to be Mystery, just ask her out. And ladies, be courteous about it either way. If you are uninterested, that’s cool, just say so, and we can all return to being friends. Hopefully with minimal awkwardness and hurt feelings. Nobody wants to see a potential connection screwed over because of worries about it getting plastered here. We should be smarter than that.

Okay, I’m done. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I don’t know if I would encourage the ladies to be courteous about it either way. Would this really be easy to say?

“Thanks for finding my re-blogged photos, “non-mainstream but accessible” audio posts, Barack Obama propaganda, and inspirational quotes so sexy, but no, I’m gonna have to decline. It’s not you, it’s me.”

Actually, if someone does utter this, say, at the next TOTALLY AWESOME Tumblr meet-up at a “non-mainstream but accessible” bar in NYC, please record it on your digi-cam and upload that baby to Vimeo so we can all GLEEFULLY re-blog with NO COMMENTARY (cause, it’s not really necessary in that case, is it?)